Believe it or not, selling on craigslist, while completely elementary to savvy folks now, was something I had never done until last night. While I had a brief stint with craigslist last year browsing for apartments (an act of desperation), I had avoided any need to sell there until very recently. And in truth, even that apartment hunt I regret. I’ll never forget the stench of that old man’s basement, or what was in those pickle jars. Or, worse, how long they were there….
Why so cold to the Craigmeister? Oh, I don’t know… There’s just something grotesque about receiving offers for local 5-star apartments in exchange for SSNs from off-continent “sellers” with the English spelling and grammatical mastery of a 4th grader… something about the personal ads with the gratuitous peen shots (complemented by the smirking angled mirror shot), or the offers for triple penetration with a fat Ukrainian trapeze artist…. It could be all or none of those. Perhaps I didn’t want to put out an ad only to receive 10 spam responses, one of which asking what I’m wearing. Sometimes, my friends, it’s just easier to keep your damned stuff than to sell it.
But not last night. Last night, it was time to sell. I think I put 10x the effort into the ad than the average craigslist seller. I cleaned the product as well as the area around it and then set up a photo shoot. I borrowed a camera, arranged flowers, tweaked the lighting, and then still improved the pictures in a digital photo editor after I finished. Then, I made a Microsoft Word flyer with a flashy layout and image/font effects only to discover that the ads are in plain text format. OK, that one I should have remembered…. My bad. So now my ad is ready, and I click submit.
“Ding!” goes my email 5 minutes after posting. It’s a response to the ad! She simply says, “More pictures”.
……SCREW YOU, TWATLOCKER!