“Mary, the 4th letter of the alphabet is D”. I know, ass hat. But seriously, dates can go to hell. I am not eating dates. Now a dragonfruit? I’ll take my chances, because, dragons. A store that would actually sell a dragonfruit out of season, however, is on the other side of town, and for some reason pomegranates were on sale at my local mart. Opportunity presented itself.
So I tried the pom, and well, well, well…. we have a sly one. The good news is that once I peeled it up and drained the seeds, I found the fruit actually to be quite delicious albeit exhausting to eat. This might be the least satisfying fruit in existence. I spent 20 minutes carefully separating the arils from the peels under water and picking tiny peel floaters out. Finally, I spooned the arils into my mouth–but lo! What’s this that raps at my teeth? They are but seeds, denying my mouth the pleasure of eating my hard-earned arils with abandon. No, that would be too simple. I have to carefully lower my teeth and let the 1/8th of a spoonful of juice pop out of them, slush their remains around in my mouth, and then spit out the seeds like I’m at a Yankees game. I thought pomegranate would be a refined, dandy fruit to eat, but it turned into a messier sunflower seed experience. I have purple splatters all over my t-shirt, by the way. Thank you for squirting your violent resistance on my clothing as I peeled you, pomegranate. I didn’t need this shirt for work or anything.
Can we talk about how much my intestines regret everything about this week? This horrible week that fate pulled together and tied into one? Can we talk about what the hell pomegranates do to digestive systems? And how I drank a bottle of [diaretic] pomegranate juice to go with my pomegranate seeds the same week I started fiber pill regimens and happened to also buy “fiber plus” brand sandwich bread? Because Activia didn’t make me miserable enough? I’m going to bed. Wake me up when week 5 is here, because I will slay the shit out of a dragon[fruit].