What’s a girl to do when public transit makes her miss her Capital Fringe Festival show downtown on a Saturday morning? Why, rage-read this decade’s ‘Twilight’ alternative at Starbucks and livetweet the experience of course! “With so many copies sold, it can’t be bad!” Yes. Yes it can. By definition, having that many sales means it’s just bad enough to court the lowest common denominator. I am immediately mistrusting of a work with an audience that wide. Today my concern was validated.
It was worth a chocolate croissant and a venti coffee. It was especially worth all the awkward judgey looks from repressed mothers [who secretly read it while their husbands were at work anyway, so who cares?]
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “He’s so freaking hot.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “I haven’t bought anything from Amazon recently.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “He looks yummy.” — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Shit. I do not dance.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “This is desire.” And this is a table. — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Jeez, he remembers how I like my tea.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Holy crap–my mouth dries.” — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Laters, baby.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “I wasn’t thinking about sex at all, no, no way.” — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Holy shit, that sounds so….hot.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “We’re talking about cheese…. Holy crap.” — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “R U OK Ana?”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “I grin big time. Mission accomplished.” I imagine this exchange w/ George Bush’s voice. — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “My muscles contract deliciously deep in my belly.” Gas. You have gas.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: Any attempt at hotness is lost each time she George Takei’s an event with “Oh my…” — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
#50shades C’mon, Ana. As soon as a man tells me I can’t have #Cinnabon anymore and sends me to the gym, we’re done.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “I want to fuck your mouth”. This is why we can’t have nice things. — Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle.” This is Bronte territory.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
#50shades: “He’s got his Ray-Bans on so I can’t see what he’s feeling.” It’s better when you autotune it.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Christian Grey just sent me a winking smiley.” This is how Longfellow discussed love.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 26, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “I take a moment to admire the pretty.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 30, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Oh, I like your ready wit” says no one after 1915.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) July 30, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “My inner goddess is going to explode.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) August 1, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “….feeling the hair in his oh-so-happy trail.”
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) August 1, 2014
Excerpt from the literary masterpiece #50shades: “Holy Moses, he’s all mine to play with, and suddenly it’s Christmas.” MOSES WAS A JEW.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) August 1, 2014
#50shades: Just got to the part where the doctor bashes anti-vaxxers. Cue the butthurt stay-at-home moms.
— Mary Peh (@Marpoo_) August 3, 2014
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