Lyft Lyfe

Another Monday, another exciting evening ahead of me driving for Lyft. Important mysteries with which man hath toiled since the dawn of time await me on my starry night behind the wheel… mysteries like

  • Where will I stop to pee?
  • Where will I park while I pee?
  • How much will my pee break cost me in parking garage fees?
  • What must I purchase at said location to earn my right to pee? and
  • How much grief and/or sexual harassment will I encounter on my mission to pee?

Aside from the plague of bodily functions, other exciting queries might cross my mind, such as

  • Will a passenger be “running really late” yet vexingly not be ready and standing outside when I arrive?
  • Will I get to smell the stench of unwashed line cook from a seafood restaurant?
  • Will I inadvertently traffic minors across state lines?
  • Will the passenger “clue me in” by literally reciting the route that I’m already following via GPS, turn for turn? and
  • Will driving, navigating, the District of Columbia, my own job(s), and the very nature of work in general be mansplained to me?

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About Marpoo

Purveyor of sass and unsubstantiated rhetoric. View all posts by Marpoo

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