The Male Race Doesn’t Deserve Me

Here I stand baking Pillsbury so that tomorrow morning my overnight guest and I can breakfast on eggs and sausage gravy biscuits. Someone send help, I am wasting my time being this perfect while the men I see don’t even muster the will to shower before coming over, or they expect me to brush my teeth around the mold and years-old beard hairs in their sinks. I met a man who doesn’t even do his own laundry at 29.

Yeah I know I’m wasting my time. But, I’ve tried being a worthless piece of shit to my dates and I couldn’t stand it. So, this me acknowledging that it’s not for them, it’s for me…. That fresh hair-do, perfect manicure, lotion, makeup, clean house, fresh sheets outta the dryer, beers and breakfast in the fridge; this is just who I am. It makes me happy to be this awesome.

Shower and buy some groceries before your gotdammed booty calls, you overgrown teenagers.

About Marpoo

Purveyor of sass and unsubstantiated rhetoric. View all posts by Marpoo

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