Here I stand baking Pillsbury so that tomorrow morning my overnight guest and I can breakfast on eggs and sausage gravy biscuits. Someone send help, I am wasting my time being this perfect while the men I see don’t even muster the will to shower before coming over, or they expect me to brush my teeth around the mold and years-old beard hairs in their sinks. I met a man who doesn’t even do his own laundry at 29.
Yeah I know I’m wasting my time. But, I’ve tried being a worthless piece of shit to my dates and I couldn’t stand it. So, this me acknowledging that it’s not for them, it’s for me…. That fresh hair-do, perfect manicure, lotion, makeup, clean house, fresh sheets outta the dryer, beers and breakfast in the fridge; this is just who I am. It makes me happy to be this awesome.
Shower and buy some groceries before your gotdammed booty calls, you overgrown teenagers.