Category Archives: Affirmations

Strangers Cannot Demand Your Time

Tinder thirsts: I’m free at these weird times in the middle of business hours, and then Friday and Saturday nights.

Me: Uhhh, I can schedule a first date with you Mon through Thurs evenings.

Tinder thirsts: What about next weekend?

Me: I can schedule a first date with you Mon through Thurs evenings……

Tinder thirsts: Why can’t we meet Fridays or Saturdays?

Me: Because strangers on the internet don’t deserve my weekends just because they ask for it? I’m not cancelling my life to meet you.

Y’all, it’s crazy how many hopeless dates you’ll go on with these dating apps, which is why it’s important to maintain boundaries between it and your real life. If you let them have their way, you’ll look back at lot of wasted weekends where you wish you’d seen your family or friends instead…..


Leave My Single-Ass Alone, Boomers

Older generations preach marriage but have no idea what a healthy, non-toxic marriage looks like and so can’t teach it. How can you possibly know true love if you marry the first person you give half-hearted head to in high school? But as long as you have a ring, right? 🙄


Your Moment of Zen

The fact I’m still attracted to men at all is proof sexuality isn’t a choice.


It’s easy to spot yellow cars when you’re looking for them

And it’s easy to be mad about how he wronged you when you’re always thinking about how he wronged you. Empty your mind, do yoga instead, and embrace new people. Keep what’s good, release what feels bad. Breathe in and out.


Dating but Not Really

Relatives are at it again. I’m not flotsam that needs salvaging. I’m out there dating. It’s just not serious, and that’s okay. Men are praised for doing the same and considered picky with a smile; I get branded with a scarlet letter and considered aimless with a frown.

Well, here’s the deal. I have a limited amount of time left on this planet, and I’m not going to spend it being a watered down version of myself just so a man will like me enough to stick around. Yo, they don’t stick around either way, so why be less than authentic?

If me ON all the time intimidates dudes who might otherwise be good matches, then that’s on them. I will never be half of myself for a man’s comfort ever again.


Your Moment of Zen

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from. And an apology without change is just manipulation.


Do Yourself a Favor

Take mixed signals as a no.


Hot Yoga for a Hot Lewk

No spouse, no second job, no overtime, no travel, and no school obligations. Not anymore. Now the only person standing in my way is myself. So, here’s to my 90 Day Hot Yoga Challenge, where I go to the studio every single day for three months in search of a full-body and lifestyle transformation.

Benefits and goals throughout the 90 day challenge and beyond:

  • Weight loss in belly, waist, arms, and neck
  • Toned arms, legs, and gluts
  • Stronger back, shoulders, and core
  • Reduce the impact of aging — eliminate these new shoulder, neck, and lower back pinches by developing stronger and more limber muscles
  • Stress relief; stillness of mind
  • Development of routine, balancing the rest of my day and disincentivizing distractions
  • Endorphins; a blossoming of self-worth. Taking 2 hours every day for my own betterment, and reaping the mental rewards of doing so
  • Support healthier eating — the classes require fruits and veggies to perform well, so going full yogi forces the issue. I can see a stark difference in my grocery cart; it’s changed my entire shopping praxis
  • Improved breathing; mastering slow, steady breaths during physical strain fights my asthma
  • Greater physical endurance to improve walking, lifting, and other regular tasks
  • Improve posture; reduce concavity of the lower spine
  • Reduced overall alcohol consumption (because I literally can’t drink, or it ruins the next day’s practice. This will also tie into weight loss.)
  • Fitting my cutest clothes again
  • Improved digestion
  • Increased energy and blood flow
  • Longer, more restful sleep
  • Becoming less physically dependent on sugars that come from carbs
  • A practice so entrenched in my psyche and body that I can continue it past the 90 days with no burden

Make today about YOU… It’s not about being selfish, it’s about working on yourself so you can be the best version of YOU! Stop fucking around and work harder on your goals. 🔥 We all have the same 24 hours in a day 💯— Jeffree Star (@JeffreeStar) April 8, 2019


2018 Update

Goal Calendar

✔️ 2016: Finished my M.S. and graduated; fixed my teeth (Invisalign, babyyyyy)

✔️ 2017: Moved out (womp womp got dumped); fixed my personal life kinda;  started going to more concerts, accidentally rebounded with a woman (??????)

2018: Start fixing debt structure; lose 30 lbs

Fuck, I’ve been busy being awesome. This year’s improvements were particularly challenging due to the longevity of their dark cloud. Debt AND fat? Can she tackle both, ladies and gentlemen?

Here’s something I drafted when I was in the midst of keto in the spring to commemorate the struggle:

Every day I have the same meticulously crafted fantasy. It all takes place in my kitchen. First, I pull high end pre-cut french fries out of the freezer and lay them out on a cookie sheet. I season them with oil, salt, pepper, rosemary, and garlic. I put them in the oven while I move on to prepping the toppings. I fry the bacon until juicy (with just a hint of crispy edge) and then finely chop it. I clean the cutting board and then chop fresh green onions. Ding, the fries are done. I pull the sheet out of the oven and slowly dip my head over the fries to smell them. Into a large, oven-safe serving bowl they go. Now, I grate a block of extra sharp Vermont cheddar over the bowl. Keep grating. Keep grating. Not. Yet. I bite my lip. After the entire block is grated and my wrists ache, I sprinkle the bacon bits and green onion. The bowl goes in the oven for 5 minutes. I take it out and dollop sour cream and chives over the display and reach into the fridge for the finishing touch: the honey mustard. I gorge. And gorge. And gorge. I look up and smile. I fall asleep satisfied. You know, when I was a kid we called this anorexia. Glad to see that in adulthood we can rebrand with a more friendly, scientific name and swap ketosis tips over a juice brunch.

cooperfries


Drafts Review (and Associated Oofs)

Wow, going back through blog drafts is rough. I have so many drafts that I never published. This one from March 2017 is especially gruesome to review, and it gets nostalgic in a way that doesn’t feel awesome on the cusp of 2019. But, I feel like I should finally publish it. I don’t even live there anymore because it was ultimately too expensive to be on my own, but I do look back on that apartment with fondness. It was exactly what I needed at a bad time, and back then I didn’t realize that one of my best friends had already started sleeping with him in secret, and that another was about to start. The modern twist is that I can look back and say that ignorance was bliss even while I was miserable, compared to knowing now and hating everyone I ever trusted.

———————-

2017 draft: Living alone is a critical boomerang to my previous living situation. While living with friends is a wonderful, fun, and meaningful experience, it also has many risks. When you let quirks and certain selfish personality traits of your friends overwhelm you on a day to day basis, it can hurt your relationships with them. I feel for even that one reason, leaving after three otherwise wonderful years at the house was the right call. There is such a thing as overstaying, and I think I was just on the cusp of doing so, but escaped before the little things stacked up and threatened to hurt my interpersonal relationships. An additional concern was my own growing antisocial nature. There is a certain expectation of friendliness when you live with your friends; one that my up-and-down financial crisis, frequent late night work hours, constant weekend trips away, and avoidance of the literal ex-in-the-basement make impossible to live up to. It is simpler to live alone when you anticipate being consistently away.

Finally, after living with family or friends for my entire life–and particularly in the same room with a partner for many years–my personal zen requires the space, peace, and quiet only a private apartment can provide. Endless granite counters, perfect living room, balcony over the community garden and lagoon-style pool deck, personal herb garden on the porch, harmonious bedroom and decor/accents…. and all for me. Privacy.

  • Painting in the living room without taking up group space
  • baking pies at 3am
  • laundry at all hours
  • loud, overnight guests on a whim
  • candle-lit baths without thought for hogging the restroom

The possibilities are endless and carefree. I can’t wait to cook more with my own kitchen. No more fridge and cabinet Tetris, no more washing other people’s dishes and counter messes, and no more juggling stove usage across four people every night.

But most of all, I’m looking forward to losing “the cloud” of my daily surroundings. Even though we retained all our friends, even though we parted as amicably as possible (all things considered), and even though I’ve moved on emotionally (as much as can be expected), the breakup still tainted the home. While I was out of town visiting someone on weekends, my ex would often go on the same kind of outtings with our friends I used to enjoy. I’d see the pictures trickle in on saturday and sunday afternoons and give a soft sigh, wondering why he or no one else thought to ask me. Every weeknight was interrupted with the logistical struggles of sharing an in-room bathroom with him and the forced conversation that ensued. Our breakup loomed over everything about the house like a fog. Even the house’s farewell party was tainted: we were the unspoken reason for the diaspora. I didn’t even want to attend. I fought about it at length with him the day before. It was all so forced. Everything there reminded me of our failure: my bedroom that’s too-big-for-one, my closet still filled with his clothes, his furniture and equipment in the corner, the second sink that never gets used, the front door of the house that took me past the basement every day…. I’m ready to be free of it.

———————-

Update on the red text: HAHAHA it’s because they were fucking! [stares in Morgoth] 😒

fireelmo


Read, Rinse, Repeat Whenever You Start Getting Nostalgic

Imagine spending your whole life with someone who, in the back of their mind, doesn’t think about moving forward with you. Imagine spending your whole life with someone who wanted to leave you–who feels like they should have left you. Remember: even at your best you’ll never be right for the wrong person. – Jay Shetty

Every now and then I need to hear this so that I stop feeling sorry for myself.  I need to continually remind myself that he found a thousand ways over the years to describe why I wasn’t right for him which, with his next girlfriend, didn’t seem to be issues anymore. Remember: if someone doesn’t want to be with you, they will find reasons, as inauthentic as they might be. Listen. Leave.

theokaynod


Dating Requirement #1

No emotional disorders.

“But people with blahblahblah need love too–”

✋ I’ve done my time. I don’t need to devote my entire fucking life to charity.

maxinewaters


Turning 31 Starter Kit

Dear world,

On this, my 31st trip around the sun, I want to announce that I am undyingly devoted to my weird-ass friends, who fill every day with laughter, previously unsaid sentences in human history, and utter happiness. I wouldn’t trade a single bizarre moment with these hooligans for a million bucks, and I don’t spew wholesome content like this nearly often enough to deserve them. Now, let’s go drink beer and throw axes in the forest while blasting Swiss folk metal.

P.S.: Pour one out real quick for this year’s starter kit

starterkit


Ladies and gentlemen, take this wisdom

I learned this lesson as a wee lass, but I pass it down to you, the next generation.

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It seems like a good idea when you’ve got nothing going on. I assure you, it isn’t. Back away from the stud from accounting and rethink your life. Even a decade down the line, that fateful day/week/month fling will still annoy the shit out of you.


You Can’t Escape

P.S., I forgot to wish the web a happy Valentine’s Day! Sorry, I was grating cheese blocks for literally hours. #liveyourbestself #eatthecheese

Vdaycard2

 

 


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