You’ll never get the truth out of a narcissist. The closest you will ever come is a story that either makes them the victim or the hero, but never the villain.Sharon Alder
Category Archives: Diatribes
What massive mindfuck-levels of privilege do you have to have in order to confidently dismiss any concerns from people who don’t look or sound exactly like you as this monolith non-category called “identity politics”?
Here I stand baking Pillsbury so that tomorrow morning my overnight guest and I can breakfast on eggs and sausage gravy biscuits. Someone send help, I am wasting my time being this perfect while the men I see don’t even muster the will to shower before coming over, or they expect me to brush my teeth around the mold and years-old beard hairs in their sinks. I met a man who doesn’t even do his own laundry at 29.
Yeah I know I’m wasting my time. But, I’ve tried being a worthless piece of shit to my dates and I couldn’t stand it. So, this me acknowledging that it’s not for them, it’s for me…. That fresh hair-do, perfect manicure, lotion, makeup, clean house, fresh sheets outta the dryer, beers and breakfast in the fridge; this is just who I am. It makes me happy to be this awesome.
Shower and buy some groceries before your gotdammed booty calls, you overgrown teenagers.
Catholics deadass think they sound regal about their mystic garbage 😂 No, honey, being the largest, richest pack of loonies doesn’t make it less loony.
“Anita Norman, the Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner who represents the district that includes Metro PCS, says the ‘excessive volume’ of the music outside the store is one of the biggest complaints she hears from her constituents. She has involved multiple D.C. agencies, which have come out and measured the volume, but so far, the store remains in compliance with the law.”DCist
Can’t. Stop. Laughing. It doesn’t even break noise ordinance. White Karen NIMBYs who require complete silence + eyemask to sleep purposely move to Shaw and then go out of their way to change it. Incredible. Colonization never ended, it just looks different these days. Imagine if I wrote to MARC and demanded they stop the train whistle at night just because my ass moved in next door. Luckily for MARC, I find the all night earthquakes and toot-toots charming.
I’m reading this ongoing story about a female teacher whose topless photo (shared privately multiple years ago with her ex, another teacher in the district) has been shared by her students, and who has now been fired. Amazing that instead of pursuing the obvious avenue of revenge porn, now rightfully outlawed by places like New York, she has to pursue a gender parity lawsuit because she and her attorneys know that going after the exposure itself will lose–that in this day and age a judge still believes it’s not the fault of the ex who distributes the photo (and to minors, no less! A felony itself that isn’t even on the table), but the fault of the woman who takes it in good faith for a partner. We’re in this sad reality where if a woman takes a single sexy photo in the privacy of a relationship, she can never expect to reasonably live her life without it coming back to haunt her because men can’t be trusted to honor a goddamned thing.
Meanwhile, men take dick pics ad nauseum. The dick:accountability ratio is hella low. Dudes share dick pics with women they don’t even know; with women who don’t even want them! You’d think with this precedent that sharing salacious photos–an act so pervasive and ubiquitous by men in modern culture– that it can’t be THAT risky. Hell, Anthony Weiner KEPT dick pic’ing strange women even after the first scandal, and he wasn’t even punished until he was finally caught doing it to a minor. But a woman trusts a partner who goes on to betray that trust years later, and it’s “stupid bitch should have known better”.
You REALLY think this is equivalent?
Religious people’s tenants are so callously hurtful to each other, and they don’t even acknowledge it. To push that god answers prayers and you have to believe in him for great things to happen is so vicious towards those who have prayed and lost loved ones anyway. God picking winners and losers based on an invisible set of standards we just don’t understand means that putting in the work to worship such a god is a complete lottery. And what a slap in the face to the people whose hands you shake “in peace” across pews: that your victories are miracles/blessings from god while their suffering is just “shit happens” that he didn’t see fit to ease. Misery, famine, rape, brutality of all kinds… allowed to happen through some plan that requires you to sit back and say Thank You while a handful are divinely rescued from it. Yeah, the christian god sounds like a complete dick. Cosmic lawlessness (e.g. atheism) is leaps and bounds more principled (and in fact, ethical) since it cuts out the concept of a power who discriminates on grounds other than moral ones–a concept that can only be described as evil.
Paul was an unequivocal asshole, and so was nearly every male character who held power in the old testament. That shouldn’t matter, though, because the Christian tenants supposedly stem from Jesus’ teachings and examples, not Paul’s or Abraham’s or Joshua’s or Solomon’s. Jesus makes up a shockingly small proportion of the christian bible, and his lessons stand out from and regularly disagree with those of the other books. Christianity at its core, the faith of the followers of Christ, is really just the four gospels. So, why is it that most Christians ignore every principle of those gospels and instead proudly play the role of the Pharisees?
I have logic and reasoning on my side as an atheist, but even without it, regular Christians would be all the fuel I’d need to shun the faith. Religious dogma are like mirrors, and much like philosophy or poli sci classes, you get out of it exactly what you put into it. So, if Christian zealots find bigotry in their texts, it says more about them than it does their texts.
“What’s in the cave?”, Luke asked.
Fewer than 70 years ago, the bible justified Jim Crow too. These laws were in complete disagreement with Jesus’ words, and it didn’t matter; those feelings didn’t come from the bible but from its followers. Fear has been preachers’ consistent sales tool; fear of the ‘Wrath of God,’ fear of burning in Hell, fear of cruel church tactics (as in the Spanish inquisition), fear of witches, fear of chastisement–all tools of an elite used against the purposefully uneducated masses. It is becoming an ineffective tool, as demonstrated by the growth of the group labeled ‘nones.’
Apparently it’s cis-het feminist catharsis day in one of my facebook groups. We’re discussing this egregiously common trait in cis-het relationships:
Men will swear this isn’t a thing, and yet the women of the group are in unanimous agreement that this is not only a thing but is a rampant, life-ruining dumpster fire of a thing that plagues their lives.
And it’s certainly not limited to homemakers, as detractors like to dismiss. For me, I was the primary breadwinner 50-60 hours a week as well as a grad student by night, with homework on top of all that. As I learned, however, adopting the persona of a tortured artist means you can rely on others to take care of you, have zero self-crit about it, and then gaslight your partner for taking you to task for it. The crux of why many of the relationships described in the group crumbled was this: Just because your spouse is Wonderwoman doesn’t mean she wants to be or that she is enjoying it. Ask yourselves if you’re purposefully pushing her into that role.
This really rang true for me. And the big picture is that it affected so much else–it wasn’t just the lack of chores…. the narcissism and lack of accountability behind that behavior bled into every other aspect of our lives together. For example, my ex-partner complained that I didn’t pursue my interests as aggressively as he did his own. Being separated for a few years now & actively enjoying hobbies I never had time for, I know now that this isn’t the case for me as person. If given the wiggle room and financial safety net of a reliable partner (or even a partner who didn’t hem and haw at the idea of going out unless it was 100% related to his interests), I might have delved into more hobbies of my own. We’ll never know; I wasn’t afforded that chance because my partner put his own hobbies above my interests and left me to be the safety net for both of us. I could never fail. It wasn’t an option, or we would both drown. It was a unidirectional siphon of a relationship; his needs and wants were always first, with never a thought for all the money and time I’d waste and the resentment that would build up because of it. And because I leaned into my character flaw of people-pleaser/giver, I let it happen. Another example, I’d buy our tickets to a convention, festival, or other event–and he would purposefully not go to bed early enough for us to arrive on time. We’d miss half the event because he “must get 9 hours of sleep” and yet would take no special steps to ensure he got it without us being late. One time I purchased a table for our joint venture at a comic con…. he wouldn’t go to bed early the night before despite my begging, and we missed half of the prime sales day because he also refused to get up before 10. And he could not figure out why I was irritable all afternoon and moving quickly. I never made that investment back.
Occasionally I’d get brave and stand up for myself, but every fight about equity and consideration turned into a gaslighting trip down “You don’t love me”/”you’re crazy”/”you don’t respect my emotional problems” Lane. Even at the end, it was my fault somehow because we had “grown apart”. Golly, I wonder how that happened. Typically, women are not pedophiles, so it’s a wonder why women don’t want to have sex with children. What a great segue into another common theme from the group today that resonated with me:
A third observation in the group today (and one I’ve been making for years) is that a woman does household duties every day and thinks or says nothing of it, but a man might perform one such duty and proudly proclaims it –even in so far as being equivalent to the woman’s contributions. This grinds my gears because it’s such a textbook overcompensation move, so clearly the guy knows deep down his contributions are unequal, or else he’d just silently do them and move on. And yet, here we are as a society where a man needs a reward for contributing.
So, how can this culture even begin to unpack and combat a widespread disparity of perspective? The issue can’t be solved by devising lists and demanding a man complete it on some kind of schedule; the issue is the overwhelmingly cis-het male perspective of not needing to complete the tasks in the first place and that lists are required at all. It’s so easy to see where the nagging wife stereotype comes from when the dynamics are so skewed–when asking a man to literally co-maintain his living space with you is seen as a condescending “chore” instead of a requirement of existing in a partnership.
Culturally entrenched misogyny takes many generations to fix, and this generation is obviously not the one at the finish line (although men will swear up and down that it is….). With that in mind, I refuse to date seriously again until I meet my match. I’m too fucking okay to be impressed by men who live in cesspools, take the trash out once a month as “a favor” to their housemates, and cook ramen noodles because they’re too busy “being real” and “pursuing their dream”. You were on facebook for three hours today, I know you could have done ten minutes’ of dishes.
“Feminism has gone too far,” he types from his gaming PC, sipping pilsner as he works from home in his pajamas for the 70k job his buddy networked him into straight out of community college. “The woman-card works for everything now,” he comments on a post he didn’t read but which pictures newly elected congresswomen with impeccable degrees and resumes who bring female reps in Congress from 20% up to a record-breaking 23% this year. “Feminism is a cancer,” he mumbles into his headset. The doorbell rings. His buddy came over to play fortnite. Time for an early lunch.
Ugh, gag me. The reason why Trump will win re-election isn’t because progressives lobby society too fervently for equality or disagree internally about the degree to which microaggressions are in fact aggressive. It will be because a majority of independent voters think that title makes them sexy; that it makes them look intellectual and professorial to wax poetically about centrism and falsely equivocate human rights that are on the line at the Supreme Court with being held accountable for asshole statements on Twitter. Well, I’m sorry to say that it’s not brave or elite or intellectual to cowardly back into the bushes while singing your chorus, “both sides are equally bad”. We will not rejoin the global stage until the majority of Americans cede their identity of disinterested narcissists or, worse, conscientious objectors to taking stands.
“I’m against government interference in terms of education, healthcare, and anti-discrimination terms, but we need an absurdly large military and should blindly support the police, but I also need military style weapons to fight the police in case they take my freedom.”
In a nutshell.
Parents who pay men to teach their young girls to be sex objects are shocked when those men treat the young girls like sex objects. *shrug*
Where for some reason everyone’s cool with paying for the fire department so strangers don’t die in fires, but the stranger dying of cancer is their own fault and they should start a gofundme.
I’ve said it many times before, and today I say it again. The Google integration across devices, accounts, and other unrelated websites Is. Too. Much. I don’t want every federal prison employee to become contacts in my phone just because I want to check my work email.
I don’t want the 100k+ strangers I’ve ever mail-merged in Outlook to auto-fill as recipient suggestions for the meme I’m trying to share with friends through other apps.
And I definitely don’t want my ex’s gmail account to keep traveling with me from phone to phone, automatically re-syncing and frankenstein’ing back to life in my Calendar to show me his notes for whenever his secret-gf-I’m-not-supposed-to-know-about is out of town.