Bad Habits

I’ve pulled enough all-nighters at work to know the exact moment I’ll be kicked off the server for it’s nightly backup routine (4:48) for approximately 25 to 35 minutes, also known as forced naptime. And let me say, this morning’s forced naptime. was. glorious.


Dear world,

On this, my 31st trip around the sun, I want to announce that I am undyingly devoted to my weird-ass friends, who fill every day with laughter, previously unsaid sentences in human history, and utter happiness. I wouldn’t trade a single bizarre moment with these hooligans for a million bucks, and I don’t spew wholesome content like this nearly often enough to deserve them. Now, let’s go drink beer and throw axes in the forest while blasting Swiss folk metal.

P.S.: Pour one out real quick for this year’s starter kit.

31 Starter Kit

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Ladies and gentlemen, take this wisdom

I learned this lesson as a wee lass, but I pass it down to you, the next generation.


It seems like a good idea when you’ve got nothing going on. I assure you, it isn’t. Back away from the stud from accounting and rethink your life. Even a decade down the line, that fateful day/week/month fling will still annoy the shit out of you.

Day 402

In Trump’s America, where knowing nothing about the world beyond the tip of your own nose is a compliment rather than an insult, I think about how we got here. While wallowing in the willful stupidity of this era’s heralds and princes, I often flashback to funny moments where my family exhibited the same confident ignorance that’s become an American cliche. For example, one time my brother asked me why I was wearing Arabic lettering around my neck. His voice disapproving, his toe tapping, waiting for an answer…. You know those slippery slope universities just pump out liberal-indoctrinated terrorist sympathizers. I guess he wanted to know why I supported ISIS?

It was an Om necklace I wear during yoga practice…. one of the most innocuous and well recognized symbols anywhere in the world (and Sanskrit to boot). The greatest part of this story? Years later, he works for the bureau. It’s a bumbling American sitcom in action. These are the people who can muster the nuance to discern carolina from memphis bbq but will insist that Sikhs blow up airplanes and casually suggest that African nations get over that whole colonization followed by power vacuum inter-tribal warfare thing and get those economies pumping in order to be respected on the global stage.


You Can’t Escape

P.S., I forgot to wish the web a happy Valentine’s Day! Sorry, I was grating cheese blocks for literally hours. #liveyourbestself #eatthecheese


I lost track (a great thing), but eventually I realized that it’s now been over one year and counting since I’ve sent or responded to a message on a dating site. It feels fucking incredible to be disconnected from those dehumanizing, lying cesspools disguised as self actualization. #offthegrid #readarticlesnotbios


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Today in Excruciating Displays of Projection

The Christian Right’s condemnation of Islam seems like a performative way to absolve themselves of criticism when many of their ideological issues are similar to that of Muslim fundamentalists. Many of the same people who decry “Sharia Law” being established as state law are perfectly fine with the US becoming a Christian nation (either by law or “culture”), and even distort history to support it. What it comes down to is: The Christian Right wants exclusive rights to patriarchal Abrahamic religious law and fight Islam to protect their brand. It’s Post versus General Mills.

Why Does This Happen

Isn’t it the most useless people who seem to have “PhD” next to their name in their email signatures? Is it because useful people prefer to work instead of spending four additional years and 30k doing what is essentially a second Master’s thesis (I know I know, I’m projecting :P).

I truly did used to think PhDs meant something. Perhaps they still do in the hard sciences. But… I work in the social sciences. How do these people go through so many analytical ringers at school and still come out being one of the most useless, non-analytical people on any team. Maybe it’s just my sphere of colleagues and contractor partners, but the examples I’ve seen this decade are so depressingly sad that it’s getting to the point where PhDs are a red flag for me. I just know this person will ask stupid questions, be three steps behind everyone at the meetings, and contribute nothing to the team except headaches. “Oh, you have a PhD? So, I will be leading this effort, doing most of the work, and carrying you to the conclusions? Okay then, great, let’s get started.”

“An Asshole/Bitch and Proud Of It”

People that have a mindset of  “I say what I want and screw you if you don’t like it” have difficulty expressing complex ideas or exercising persuasion. It just seems like overcompensation for a lack of substantive ideas.

Key inspiration: the “He says what he means!” followers of Trump. Isn’t it funny how “what he means” is always racist, sexist, or otherwise inflammatory and empty of information?


My recommended ads involve vibrators, jumpsuits, and Target. It’s like internet algorithms knows me better than I know myself.


Rampant Middle-America Nonsense

It’s amazing that just showing up a for a 9-to-5 makes women “career obsessed” at the same time it makes men “responsible”.

Guess how much I care about your casual misogyny, average middle america? Take it away, Peggy.


What I Want and What I Don’t

Someone recently said to me the world would be better if women were more open about what they want and what they didn’t.  The observation certainly calls out a fault with current/evolving gender roles and expectations as well as social norms. Our culture frequently supports donning a positive demeanor and being open to others’ requests at the expense of our own selves, like southern hospitality run amok. To ask for things is greedy. To expect that your standard be met by someone is selfish. I realize that many things in relationships need to be a negotiation, but your basic principles need not be. We shouldn’t surrender our own needs to please others, whether they be family, colleagues, friends, or romantic partners. Sometimes displeasing another can ultimately be a service to you both, forcing the readjustment of expectations. To circle back to the initial comment, people can’t really be happy unless they start feeling more comfortable admitting out loud what they want and what they don’t.

In the spirit of committing to being my truest, happiest self this year I’d like to openly think about and consider these categories.

In Life

[table id=3 /]


Pinterest mosaic of my 2018 aesthetics

In a Partner

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The future hubs right here

Aziz “I’m Sorry” Ansari

The Aziz Ansari exposé this week described what’s perhaps the lowest-stakes encounter we’ve seen mainstreamed as part of the #MeToo movement, and as such has launched the most interesting and impactful discussions on sex, consent, and male aggression I’ve seen in a while. The exposé has this ability to make people excruciatingly uncomfortable. As evidence, see…. well, nearly every response piece on the subject. Taking the temperature of the response pieces is something of an exercise in “If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.” Whether articles come out for or against the OP, the consistent premise is that all women have been Grace. No one seems to be denying the universality of the woman’s experience exactly as described. The only disagreement among authors seems to be whether or not to care. I blink in disbelief. In the same breath, antifeminists admit awareness of our society’s pervasive rape culture while using this very example as a way to deny its existence and declare women O.K.

We might be O.K., but we’d like to be good, great, fantastic! That’s what equality is all about. An anonymous comment on the Lindy West NYT piece sums up my reactions, so instead of reinventing the wheel I’ll simply leave this here:

Clearly Aziz Ansari was trying to rush things on a first date in a way that rushes to the male’s endgame rather than something mutually pleasurable and collaboratively reached between lovers. Some women are fine with the former, but most want (and all deserve) the latter, and for a man to expect the former is extremely presumptuous, disrespectful, and makes a woman feel terrible rather than pleasured. It is not rape, but it’s emotionally hurtful. Aziz treated her like a piece of meat as she moved away and even explicitly told him she didn’t want to feel forced. This ruins sex for women, and all people deserve to enjoy sex. Women have had enough of having female sexuality and pleasure ignored.

The Return of Googlebro and This Stupid, Exhausting Fight for Respect in the Workplace

Mr. Damore’s memo last year argued that biological differences — citing greater levels of anxiety among women, and a lower tolerance for stress — helped explain why there were fewer women in key engineering positions and leadership roles at Google.  – New York Times

Or, crazy thought…. perhaps women are more stressed at work because even though they work full time they have greater childcare responsibilities thrust upon them by their partners and are expected to perform the majority of the shopping and housework and see less sleep and free time because of it. Perhaps they are more stressed at work because their coworkers openly discuss and share manifestos about their biological inferiority for logical tasks and use the workplace trends that emerge from consistent under-representation and being spoken over during meetings, undervalued, and passed over for promotions and raises in favor of male colleagues as justification for these decidedly unscientific “beliefs” without a shred of irony. Perhaps they’re more stressed because their colleagues and/or superiors sexually harass them, and no one believes them or cares, or worse–blames them for causing it by the mere act of performing their jobs.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Women cannot end misogyny in the workplace. By its very nature, misogyny reduces or ignores the concerns of women. It’s men who must be the ones to take up the call against their peers and end workplace misogyny in our name. These are not women’s issues; they are men’s issues on the topic of women.


Poverty Status of the Day:

Accepting injections of live diseases from the developing world for science.


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