There are the moms who sprawl dough fixin’s over their majestically sized marble island counters and create pie art. Then, there are 20-somethings with tiny apartment kitchens who make pie with Pillsbury ready crusts and cherry filling. Guess which stereotype I am?
To me, cooking is one of those rare exceptions where it’s actually not about the journey—only about the results. If circumventing difficult and costly (in terms of a grocery trip) steps can still give me a pie at the end of the day, then I’m going to do it, and Pinterest-ites and baking bloggers be damned. I must say, too, that for a five minute prep time, it truly was delicious. Rolling out crusts from a wax paper bag gives me a rush….. the kind of rush that says, “I will finish this pie before Game of Thrones comes on in thirty minutes.” Surely the crust would have been flakier and richer had I made it from scratch, but I had no intention of dropping $40 on pie ingredients when I had no one to impress but my manfriend–and he’s already my manfriend. The conquest is complete. Why whip out the big guns and make scratch crusts?
This was a double-edged effort. Not only had I never baked cherry pie, but also had I never eaten it. The results of the taste test are in: “It wasn’t awful.” Cherry is by no means a food I enjoy casually. After all, it’s a fruit, and I am not a fruit bat. I’m a marpoo, and so, naturally, eat carbs and seafood.
Now please enjoy while Warrant sings of my success.
Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a crafty , homemaking type who not only can design and assemble picturesque arts for the home, but also who cooks and bakes like effing Martha Stewart. This, however, is a whimsical fantasy…. The unfortunate fact is that if it doesn’t go in the crock pot (or come from a cafe), I don’t eat. Luckily this is 2012, and I am perfectly able to get away with this behavior (and my man finds it ‘cute’ instead of ‘….why aren’t you by the stove in high heels making me a three-tiered club sandwich–and don’t you forget the pickle’). But when that domestic desire hits, it hits hard to the gut with sprinkles and designer bows. Enter, an increased grocery budget and three hours’ of time about to be lost to crafts.
Today’s goal was miniature apple pies inside hollowed-out apples. As you may suspect, Pinterest was involved…. An idea this cute could only come from the bowels of that kitten/cookie/wedding fabrics madhouse. This blogger right here developed (or at least, made popular) the idea, complete with adorable photos.
I’ll build up the suspense by laying the scene, as my 9th grade literature teacher would have wanted. I was in the kitchen with the cat, carving out apples with a plastic apple corer and cursing under my breath. I mixed the filling with brown sugar and oatmeal with one hand while the other hurriedly assembled the baking pan. The cat laughed maniacally at me as I failed. There is something about Pillsbury pre-made crusts that make me feel like a cheater. Yet, even while cheating, my crusts still look worse than the original.
How they were supposed to look
How they turned out….
In my defense, they were in fact delicious……